Missing!
by NellySama
Summary: Something Important of Itachi's has gone Missing, not only that Orochimaru has mysteriously dissapeared! It seems he has run off with Itachi's Things! What will Happen next! Chapter 4 , Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Missing! **

**By:** NellySama

**A/N:** Since I haven't written an actual fanfic since, "A Millennium Road Trip", I thought it was time yet again. Also I have to learn that not everyone likes reading script format. T.T Lame-ohs. I love first chapters, because it involves me talking a lot, and lots of stuff being explained. Heh, Heh. Now for explanatory substance! Deidara is a hermaphrodite...cuz i said so.

**Series**: Naruto -no der- **Genre**: Humor, Mystery -dun dun dunnnnn- Extreme out of character -ness **Characters:** Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Orochimaru **Setting:** Akatsuki Tower -made up building- Back when Orochimaru was still a member of Akatsuki..or Dawn as some people call it. **Rating:** t-for language, maybe? **Format:** Un-Script. TT.TT Wish me luck. **Parings: **Slight Itachi Kisame ness, cuz Itachi is being adorable.

**Summary:** Its a peaceful day at Akatsuki Tower, until there is a blood curdling scream. Two things from Itachi's room have gone missing! Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, and Orochimaru go on a mini-quest to find the missing items and to figure out just what they are.

**Disclaimer: ** -ponders- I think it might be a good thing that I don't own Naruto, or else there'd never be a serious moment, just dancing all day long.

**Chapter One, Interrogate Me!**

It was a lovely Saturday in spring. The birds were chirping, children playing in the surrounding villages. Deep in a forest stood the overbearing Akatsuki tower, which was built in the shape of a red cloud. It was inhabited by the Akatsuki members, who were laying about their house, eating, sleeping, gaming, cooking, brushing their hair, or painting their nails. All was peaceful, until a blooding curdling scream cut through the warm air like a hot knife cutting through melted popcorn butter.

Deidara, Kisame and Orochimaru rocketed up the stairs to Itachi's room, where the door was wide open. Kisame peered into the room, sword at the ready.

"Itachi-kun...?"

Itachi was on the floor on his knees, looking at an empty box on the floor. The sharingan-boy looked teary-eyed at Kisame and quickly leaped into the shark-mans warm embrace.-whee- "Kisame!"

Deidara and Orochimaru surveyed the room for any enemies or danger, finding nothing they turned to Itachi. "What happened?" Orochimaru asked. Itachi sniffled and let go of Kisame. "My precious items of immense secrecy! They've gone missing!"

"What!" The other gasped in shockingly accurate unison and tone of surprised voice. "Who would take your stuff?" the blonde hermaphrodite asked. "I mean...what do you have thats so great and important that you would be on the floor crying about it?"

Kisame rolled his eyes at Deidara's stupidity and left the room, he did not want to be a part of what would happen next. Itachi glared daggers at Deidara, huffed and stormed down the stairs dragging Orochimaru with him. Deidara soon followed and found them in the living room thinking their brains off. Orochimaru finally spoke after being silent for an extreme eternity of 5 minutes.

"So, who do you think stole your two precious items of extreme importance?"

Deidara glared, _suck up._

Orochimaru smirked back, _Hey, At least I'm not going to wake up dead tomorrow._

Itachi sighed angrily. "Will you stop glaring and smirking and using telepathy! We aren't psychic here, we're freaking ninjas! Now start acting like one, and help me find my precious items!"

"Only if we can stop calling them 'precious items', that sway to time consuming to say the mouth-full" -Deidara.

"How about we call them 'stuff' " Kisame appeared and used the quotation finger action as he entered the room. Itachi nodded his approval. Kisame sat next to Itachi who grabbed his arm. "Alright! First we must figure when my stuff was stolen! Interrogate me! _Interrogate!_" He hissed.

Kisame raised an eye-brow. "That could be taken the wrong way you know."

Orochimaru smiled, "Only you would think something like that Kisame, you pervert you!" Wink. Deidara giggled.

"Shut up! Now interrogate me!"

Deidara raised his hand and bounced in his seat. "Ooh! Ooh! I want to ask first! Pick me! Pick Me!"

"Okay, Dei-chan you can go first!"

Orochimaru whipped out a pen and paper pad and got ready to take notes. "Ready!"

"Alright, Itachi. Where were you on the night before the two nights ago before last on a Tuesday which has previously come before on Saturday of today!"

Long awkward silence. Itachi leaned forward.

"... Okay, _what!"_

Deidara sighed impatiently. "Where were you on the day of today?"

"Oh! Why, I was in the kitchen with Kisame painting my nails." Orochimaru began scribbling furiously, Kisame sipped tea.

"Okay, were you in your room before that?"

A nod. "Hm... was your stuff still in its right-full place in that box?"

"Yes, I checked it this morning, everything was there and safe."

Deidara pondered a moment, tapping his chin. Then he looks at Itachi and says with utmost seriousness, "Itachi, did you steal your stuff?"

Anime Face fault. Itachi got up in Deidara's face.

"What the hell Deidara? Why would I steal my own crap! I HOPE YOU DIE!" Starts crying and runs to Kisame. "Kisame, kill him!"

"W-wait! DONT! Kisame! Please! No! You need me Itachi!"

Orochimaru was busy laughing his ass off. Itachi twitched. " I do not need you! Now Hurry up and Die! Orochimaru can be the new interrogator! Right?"

"Yes! Yes sir! I can be the new interrogator!"

Kisame loomed over a scared to death Deidara, and raised his sword. Deidara shut hes eyes and screamed like a little girl..."Please Nooooo!"

And then, the chapter ended.

TBC

review plz.


	2. Chapter 2

**Missing! **

**By:** NellySama

**A/N: **I-I can explain...I just recently got a new computer...but during that time span that I didn't, (which was a freakishly long time) there werre no updates. BUT! Never fear, I have a laptop and that means fanfic updates... As soon as I get to it, its my last year at highschool and its kinda busy ya know, that and I'm lazy. nn. So Yah, here it is, finally, the second chapter of Missing! I hope it pleases you to find it semi-long.

**Series**: Na-Ru-To!!**Genre**: Humor, Mystery -dun dun dunnnnn- Extreme out of character -ness **Characters:** Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Orochimaru, Zetsu **Setting:** Akatsuki Tower -made up building- Back when Orochimaru was still a member of Akatsuki..or Dawn as some people call it. **Rating:** t-for language, maybe? **Format:** Un-Script. TT.TT Wish me luck. **Parings: **Slight Itachi Kisame ness, cuz Itachi is being adorable.

**Summary:** Its a peaceful day at Akatsuki Tower, until there is a blood curdling scream. Two things from Itachi's room have gone missing! Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, and Orochimaru go on a mini-quest to find the missing items and to figure out just what they are.

**Disclaimer: **Still no, know whats sad? I know that Sasuke is going to kick Oro's ass but, I'm still on volume 8.. TT.TT -sigh-. Don't you tell me to download it, I've got dial-up, and not that much time on my hands. O-O. So onwards.

**Chapter 2 What Are They?**

Orochimaru was busy laughing his ass off. Itachi twitched. " I do not need you! Now Hurry up and Die! Orochimaru can be the new interrogator! Right?"

"Yes! Yes sir! I can be the new interrogator!"

Kisame loomed over a scared to death Deidara, and raised his sword. Deidara shut hes eyes and screamed like a little girl..."Please Nooooo!"

Crunch.

"Crunch?" All four of them looked up at the stairs to see a gaint venus fly trap, eating Doritos. Deidara got up and ran over to him, hugging him.

"Oh Dear Zetsu! You saved my life, yeah!" The hermapherdite spouted graciously. "I didn't actually think that you cared enough about my well being to distract them! Thank You!"

The plant man raised a non-existant eyebrow on his green face and ate another dorito. Munch. Munch. "..." Deidara tilted his head, "Well?"

Tunk!(yes, thats the sound a pencil makes, wanna fight about it?)Orochimaru's pencil hit Deidara square on the forehead."Ow! What was that for?!"

Itachi glared, "What gave you the right to go near the Dorito master?" The three of them began to loom over the blonde thing. His eyes widened in fear, and anger, if he dared so. He dared.(loser)

"Why are you guys ganging up on me?! Aren't we supposed to be finding Itachi's 'Stuff'?" That hit a button and in an instant Itachi was in Kisame's arms, crying.

"Why?! Why did you have to bring that up?" He sniffled. Orochimaru sighed and shook his head, "Because, Itachi, thats what we're doing. Trying to find your 'stuff' and who took them. So far we ruled out you, and Deidara."

"Why's that?" Kisame asked as he patted Itachi's head.

"Because he's to much of a weenie to try and steal Itachi's stuff."

"Oh." And it was so. After a short break and some snacks they decided to continue the investigation with Zetsu as the next suspect. Deidara sat facing the plant man, looking at him seriously. Kisame grumbled, "Why is he still asking questions?"

"It's the only way to make him shutup." Orochimaru said as he readied his pen and paper. Itachi glared at everyone, very upset that his things haven't been found. Deidara cleared his throat.

"All right, lets get this started then, shall we, yeah? Okay, Zetsu do you know of Itachi's sacred box?"

"Yes, crunch. I do, crunch." He spoke, ending his scentences by closing the plant trap with a crunchy noise. (yum).

"Alright, did you go up to Itachi's room and search his room for the box? Did you steal his things?!" The hermapherdite was all up in his face like a gangsta about to start a big ass fight, yo. Zetsu didn't even blink, if it was possible.

"Psh. No."

"Oh...Okay then, suspect cleared." Deidara sat back with a sigh of satisfaction. Orochimaru finished writing down notes and the house went silent for about five minutes, then the pedofilic snake man got an idea that didn't involve kidnapping little boys named Sasuke.

"I've got an idea, since no one else from Akatsuki will be coming home, why don't we just search for your precious items?"

Itachi threw various shuriken and kunai is fast succession as he chased Orochimaru about the house, yelling, "HOW DARE YOU USE MY TERMS?! ONLY I CAN CALL MY PRECIOUS ITEMS, PRECIOUS ITEMS, NOT SOME SEX PERVERT!!"

Everyone gasped. Orochimaru glared,"I am NOT a sex pervert! I just like little boys!" He became teary-eyed. Itachi ran over to him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. You had a good idea, Oro! Lets search the house for my things...Okay?"

Kisame, Deidara, and Zetsu watched with amusment. Orochimaru pouted and sat in the corner.

"No. I don't wanna."

Itachi tried to appease the saddened snake.

"You wanna soda?"

He shook his head. "Nu uh."

"You some ice cream?"

"No."

"You want some candy?"

"No."

"You wanna start stalking my younger brother when he's in the chunin forest exams, put a curse on him, make him all crazy and demonic, and have him leave his village, come and train under you until he become soo super strong he turns on you and kills you?"

That was a freaking awesome idea. Orochimaru smiled and got up from the corner and pointed towards the kitchen. "Begin the search!"

And so they began searching for Itachi's things, until about two hours later, Deidara figured out something.

"Whoa, whoa whoa! Hey, guys?"

"Yeah?" They all replied in bored unision.

"How come we're looking for something when only one of us knows what it looks like?"

Itachi blinked. "Oh yeah, I never told you guys what it looks like..."

"So, are you going to tell us?"

The uchiha smirked and flipped off the blonde. "Fuck no. Its my stuff. Only I can know what it looks like."

"Not even Kisame?"

The shark shook his head, "Nope. He wont even let ME know. He's just being a jerk."

"I am not! Its really personal stuff!!"

Orochimaru smiled evilly. "What, is like porno magazines or something?"

"What? No!"

"A Teddy Bear collection?" Deidara added.

"Gawd no!"

"Skin from all of your enemies?" Everyone twiched and looked at Zetsu, who shrugged. "What? I eat bodies." And so, they dismissed his comment.

"Is it...maybe, toe nail clippings?"

"That's way to weird and gross for Itachi to have."

"Yeah."

"I wonder what it could be?"

The other members of the group, aside from Itachi, amused themselves with a guessing game. Meanwhile, he began searching the entire house for his things. He got worried that someone might've found it already and was hiding it from him to use as a blackmail device. 'I can't let that happen! Shit. I have to find them! No one can ever know of my precious items! Never!' And so Itachi began to ransack the house, throwing chairs and house-hold appliances about the house.


	3. Chapter 3super short

**Missing!**

**By:** NellySama

**A/N: **Kekeke. Ahm, Here be the third chapter. I didn't know I could have so much fun writing non-script and it being a "mystery" fanfic. Aii, so much fun. Also, I finally got Microsoft Word installed on my laptop, so any major spelling, grammatical errors will be fixed. D yay.

**Series**: Na-Ru-To!! **Genre**: Humor, Mystery, Extreme out of character -ness **Characters:** Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Orochimaru, Zest, **Setting:** Akatsuki Tower -made up building- Back when Orochimaru was still a member of Akatsuki..Or Dawn as some people call it. **Rating:** t-for language, maybe? **Format:** Un-Script. TT.TT Wish me luck. **Parings: **Slight Itachi Kisame ness, cuz Itachi is being adorable.

**Summary:** It's a peaceful day at Akatsuki Tower, until there is a blood curdling scream. Two things from Itachi's room have gone missing! Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, and Orochimaru go on a mini-quest to find the missing items and to figure out just what they are.

**Disclaimer: **I wish. Hehe. Did you all see vol 347?! I was pleased with the SasuSai scene, but I would've been more pleased if it was SasuNaru or Uchicest. But no.(I'm completely caught up btw, in the series)

This chapter will be extremely short, since I have writers block and I'm planning to make the 4th chapter the longest of them all and end it there.

**Chapter 3 **

Itachi came down seething down the stairs. He grabbed a frightened Deidara and began shaking him angrily.

"You whore! You know what it is! You found it already and you're keeping it a secret from me to use it as blackmail! I hope you die!"

Deidara was bawling his eyes out as he fell to the floor and tried crawling away from Itachi. "W-why do you keep hating on me?! WHY?!"

"It's simple really, I don't like you. You're supposed to be dead!"

"No I'm not! Yondaime-Sama is!"

Kisame jumped in between them and covered their mouths. "Both of you quit it. We've got big news."

"Like what?" They both asked angrily.

Then they both noticed, Orochimaru had gone missing and there wasn't even a trace or hint of where he had gone. Itachi's eyed widened with even more realization. "Oh my god."

"What is it?" Deidara was the only person who didn't know what was going on. He ran over to Kisame and tugged on his sleeve. "What's going on, yeah?"

Kisame glared at the front door. "Orochimaru…."

"Yeah, what about him?" Then Deidara realized what was happening as Itachi ran out the front door. "Orochimaru took Itachi's things!"

"Yes, no duh indeed. Let's follow Itachi!"

So Kisame and Deidara followed after the very angry Itachi on a new mission to find Orochimaru. Itachi's screams of fury good be heard from space. Yes, that's how angry the sexy Uchiha was. From Space.

"CURSE YOU OROCHIMARU AND YOUR EVIL PEDOFILIC WAYS!! YOU SHALL RUE THE DAY THAT YOU TOLE MY OF AND WEARING !!!!!!"

End chapter 3.

Please review. See if you can guess at the hint Itachi gave at his things.


	4. Chapter 4

**Missing!**

**By:** NellySama

**A/N: **Sorry the last chapter sucked. It did. Sucked. Ass. Right, I'm super excited. Spring break. This Friday. Yes. Anyway, trying to get my creative juices flowing. So hopefully this chapter will be awesome.

**Series**: Na-Ru-To!! **Genre**: Humor, Mystery, Extreme out of character -ness **Characters:** Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Orochimaru, Zest, **Setting:** Akatsuki Tower -made up building- Back when Orochimaru was still a member of Akatsuki…Or Dawn as some people call it. **Rating:** t-for language, maybe? **Format:** Un-Script. TT.TT Wish me luck. **Parings: **Slight Itachi Kisame ness, cuz Itachi is being adorable.

**Summary:** It's a peaceful day at Akatsuki Tower, until there is a blood curdling scream. Two things from Itachi's room have gone missing! Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, and Orochimaru go on a mini-quest to find the missing items and to figure out just what they are.

Warnings: I guess I should put this here. Language.

**Disclaimer: **No. Not mine; it belongs to that one guy. I can't remember his name for the life of me. Random fact of the week: Okay, for the English dub-sayers. Akatsuki pronounced. Ah.Kaht.Ski But fast. Like Akatsuki. Try it. Also Trampoline burns hurt worse than rug burns.

**Chapter 4 Orochimaru You Whore!**

And so, Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, and the oddly quiet Zetsu, rampaged through the forest looking for the evasive snake. Itachi was in the lead, leaping from tree to tree, glaring everywhere, hoping to catch the pedophilic man with the Magenkyo. Kisame was right behind Itachi looking this way and that. Deidara and Zetsu were setting up a trap into front of the Akatsuki tower for Orochimaru. There were having no luck finding the snake, so they tried searching for another hour, and then gave up.

Unbeknownst to them, Orochimaru was hiding up in his room, giggling like a mad man…that sounded like an evil little girl laughing. He looked at Itachi's precious items and snickered. Oh how he loved this, blackmail on Itachi. No one would ever suspect the 'Great Itachi-Sama' would do something like this! "Keekeekee." He sat up with a start when he heard the front door open and slam close. He heard the angry pulsating sonic booms of Itachi's anger. Orochimaru decided he'd walk down the stairs and say that'd he'd been taking a nap and didn't hear them leave. The evil snake would act like he knew nothing about what he actually knew. He pocketed Itachi's things and headed down the stairs.

Itachi glared and growled angrily as the snake, and Kisame had to hold him back from all out attack the man before he had a chance to speak.

"OROCHIMARU!"

"Itachi?" Oro smiled 'innocently'. Itachi got up in his face.

"You slut, where the hell have you been?!"

The snake looked away from Itachi. "I went up to take a nap, that's all. I just noticed you guys just came back from somewhere. Where'd you go?"

Deidara huffed annoyed. "Yeah whatever, Orochimaru!"

Kisame grabbed Orochimaru by his collar and looked at him with his beady little shark eyes. "You're Lying." Lying with a capital 'L', which must be pretty bad lying, since its all proper and capital.

"What do you mean? I'm not lying!" Orochimaru stuttered in his defense, curses! They had found him out! What should he do? Make a break for it? He decided so and kicked from Kisame's grasp, and booked it out the door laughing insanely.

"Yes! Yes I have your things Itachi! But you'll never catch me! You can't catch me! I'm the pedophile man! Tee hee hee hee!!"

Itachi and the others followed him with their fists in the air, "OROCHIMARU YOU WHORE!!"

After a few hours of straight on constant running, they all tackled Orochimaru's feet and cause him to trip and eat it so hard! He freaking landed on a camp fire!

"AUUUUUGGHHHHHH MY FACE IS ON FIRE!!!!! AUUUGGGH!!" The snake began running in circles as Deidara laughed his ass off. Kisame applauded and Itachi was victorious, snuggling his precious items with a huge smile on his face. Then Deidara got an idea and ran off back to the house. Kisame nearly jumped out of his shark-like skin with Zetsu appeared in a tree next to him.

"….Yo." Munch, Munch. He was eating Doritos again.

Kisame stared wearingly at the plant person. "...Hey."

"Fmat mnar yosh geemse doems?"

"What?"

Chew, chew swallow. "What are you guys doing?"

"Nothing…Where do you keep getting those?" Takes the bad away and starts eating them. At this point in time Orochimaru is rolling on the ground in pain and Itachi is kicking sand in his eyes.

"From some fat kid in Konoha..."

"HEYYY GUYS!!! GRAB THESE!!" Deidara shouted, running at them throwing shovels into the air. Everyone caught one and they used their ninja skill to dig a bottomless pit in less than five seconds. Orochimaru looked at it in terror. Itachi smiled. Everyone smiled; they all knew what was going to happen.

The snake tried to get away from the edge of hole, but no luck, everyone blocked his way. He glared at Itachi. "You wouldn't dare!"

Itachi looked at him with a smirk, "Oh yes, I dare. You stole my stuff. For that you shall pay! KUKUKUKUKU!!"

Thunder and lighting boomed, and the sky got dark and everyone began giggling evilly. Deidara, Kisame and Zetsu backed from the hole a bit as Itachi came in closer, almost pushing Orochimaru off the edge. He sneered at the frightened snake. "What do you have to say for you self? Huh?! What?! NUTHIN! Didn't think so!!"

Orochimaru was freaking, pulling out his hair, freaking. "This….. This!!!"

"This what, whore?!"

"THIS IS MADNESS!!!"

Itachi twitched.

"THIS IS MADNESS!!"

Itachi took a deep breath and looked the snake straight in the eye. "THIS. IS. SPARTA!!!!"

BAM! Orochimaru plummeted into the bottomless pit, never to be seen again. Deidara was applauding wildly, whilst Zetsu and Kisame cheered, "FLAMING GLORY! FLAMING GLORY! WOOT!! WOOT!!!"

"Yes. I'm bad ass."

"Yaaay!!" Everyone did a dance and went home.

A few hours later everyone was crowded in Itachi's room trying to get a peek of his precious items, which were obviously pictures. But of what? No one could figure it out. Itachi snickered and ran around the house singing. "LA LA LA LAAAA. You guys are looosers because you don't know what theeesee aaaaaaree!!"

And so they four happy missing nins rampaged throughout their house playing tag and find the kunai all night long. No one ever found out what Itachi's things were, and its best to leave it that way or else he'll kill you.

The End…

Or is it?

Yeah it is.

Okay.

Loser.

--

Review Please, tell me what you thought, it I should write more Naruto fanfiction or I suck or w.e, oh flames are delicious, just like the blood of my enemies.

NellySama


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